Monday and Tuesday
On the road for work in Long View, Texas. Hampton Inn has an excercise room.
Mon.
10 min eliptical
30 min bike
Tues
40 min stair stepper
It's different working out now. I loved the pl work but that is secondary to being healthy. It's going to be a journey for sure. Hopefully I can retain enough strength to compete @ lighter weights.
AAU will be joined in '08 by the USPF when they add a raw division.
Lot's going on in my head. It's hard to explain. I think it may have to do with turning 50. I don't feel older. In fact I feel better since I changed my diet and started the cardio. It's like wandering thoughts. Actually wandering scenarios. Not of shoulda woulda coulda. More like future thoughts. Some are positive and others somewhat sad. Sometimes they seem so real that it sort of leaves me numb for the here and now. It's odd. It's a level of feeling that I'm not used to nor am I comfortable with. The overwhelming undercurrent leaves me with a sticky melancholy that is tough to shake completely.
I know I wish that the homelife wasn't so crowded but even though the crowding irritates me it is a contributing side issue and not the cause of the feelings.
I have a longing for being respected for who I am. Not a false respect but enough for what may be due. I also want to feel like I belong and to be wanted. I want to be respected and feel like I belong in my home. I'm pretty sure no one there has a clue. They know something is up but even if I could/would try to explain it I don't believe it would make sense to them.
It's goofy but I feel like I need some kind of emotional brain flossing. The emotional fuzz on the inside of my head is tiresome and needs to be scraped away. Emotionally I feel like I'm running on 5 out of 8 cylinders. A level of trust is missing. Emotional trust. It's odd. I'd like it to stop. I can't help where others are in their lives. I like feeling more solid with me. Feeling particularly vulnerable right now. Vulnerable is not a word I have ever used to describe myself. It's a little scary.
Jesus could come today. I feel for those who have not expressed a belief in Him as their saviour, because their eternity will be awful. For me I would be delighted to be going home and my head would be clear and the bs would be over. The completion of belonging.
Maranatha!
God Bless!
Mon.
10 min eliptical
30 min bike
Tues
40 min stair stepper
It's different working out now. I loved the pl work but that is secondary to being healthy. It's going to be a journey for sure. Hopefully I can retain enough strength to compete @ lighter weights.
AAU will be joined in '08 by the USPF when they add a raw division.
Lot's going on in my head. It's hard to explain. I think it may have to do with turning 50. I don't feel older. In fact I feel better since I changed my diet and started the cardio. It's like wandering thoughts. Actually wandering scenarios. Not of shoulda woulda coulda. More like future thoughts. Some are positive and others somewhat sad. Sometimes they seem so real that it sort of leaves me numb for the here and now. It's odd. It's a level of feeling that I'm not used to nor am I comfortable with. The overwhelming undercurrent leaves me with a sticky melancholy that is tough to shake completely.
I know I wish that the homelife wasn't so crowded but even though the crowding irritates me it is a contributing side issue and not the cause of the feelings.
I have a longing for being respected for who I am. Not a false respect but enough for what may be due. I also want to feel like I belong and to be wanted. I want to be respected and feel like I belong in my home. I'm pretty sure no one there has a clue. They know something is up but even if I could/would try to explain it I don't believe it would make sense to them.
It's goofy but I feel like I need some kind of emotional brain flossing. The emotional fuzz on the inside of my head is tiresome and needs to be scraped away. Emotionally I feel like I'm running on 5 out of 8 cylinders. A level of trust is missing. Emotional trust. It's odd. I'd like it to stop. I can't help where others are in their lives. I like feeling more solid with me. Feeling particularly vulnerable right now. Vulnerable is not a word I have ever used to describe myself. It's a little scary.
Jesus could come today. I feel for those who have not expressed a belief in Him as their saviour, because their eternity will be awful. For me I would be delighted to be going home and my head would be clear and the bs would be over. The completion of belonging.
Maranatha!
God Bless!
posted by Stump at 8:01 PM
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